CRIMINAL JOKES

REASONS CRIMINALS GET CAUGHT

Tennessee:  A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the
bank's video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. 
That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he
didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.

Louisiana:  A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and
asked for change.  When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a
gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided.  The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
bill on the counter.  The total amount of cash he got from the drawer?
Fifteen dollars.
(If someone points a gun and gives you money, was a crime committed?)

Florida:  (Uh, pardon my English)  A thief burst into the bank one day
wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun.  Aiming his gun at the guard, the
thief yelled, "FREEZE MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A FUCK UP!"
For a moment, everyone was silent.  Then the snickers started.  The guard
completely lost it and doubled over laughing.  It probably saved his life,
because he'd been about to draw his gun.  He couldn't have drawn and fired
before the theif got him.  The thief ran away and is still at large.  In
memory of the event, the bank later put a plaque on the wall engraved
"Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a fuck up!"

Arkansas:  Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.  He decided he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run.  So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window.  The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconcious.  Seems the liquor store window was made of
Plexi-Glass.  The whole event was caught on videotape.

New York:  As a female shopper exited a convience store, a man grabbed her
purse and ran.  The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to
give them a detailed description of the snatcher.  Within minutes, the
police had apprehended the snatcher.  They put him in the car and drove back
to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand
there for a positive ID.  To which he replied "Yes Officer...that's her.
That's the lady I stole the purse from."

Seattle:  When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motorhome parked on
a Seattle street, he got much than he bargained for.  Police arrived at the
scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motorhome near spilled sewage.
A police spokeman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and
plugged his hose into the motorhome's sewage tank by mistake.  The owner of
the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh
he'd ever had.

Ann Arbor:  The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into
a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 6:50am, flashed a gun and demanded
cash.  The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register without a food order.  When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren't available for breakfast.  The man, frustrated, walked away.

Newark:  A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there
was a car phone in it.  The policeman taking the report called the phone,
and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and
wanted to buy the car.  They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.